#NPM14: Day 7-Fate

Because it's our anniversary month: I wrote this when we were dating. Here's to new love, being vulnerable, submitting your desires to God and being content in every season. #nomakeup

July 2006

#NPM14: Day 6- Barefoot & Naked

Love can happen and end prematurely and sometimes all you're left with is... you. Just #pressOn

#NPM14: Day 5- She[lter]

Sometimes we chase people, places, things that don't welcome us how we should be welcomed. We love people according to what they put in the atmosphere about their feelings for us and we dive head first into that possibility. We fall for people who have fell for people that they can't run away from and expect a manifestation of true love to appear despite the crowded situation we've found ourselves in. We tell people to leave something with the expectation that they will when they never intended to go anywhere when we came along. Sometimes... we want a person more than they want us but they want us to be still in our want for them. Sometimes... we scream from mountain tops how perfect we are for them only to have them plug their ears out of fear of leaving the familiar. 

Listen, let him be with her... 

and stop allowing your heart to have unprotected sex. #noweight

#NPM14: Day 4- Visitor

I battled greatly as a young adult with allowing my insecurities to secure my truth. And that story is not unique. So many people, young and old, are being held captive by their insecurities. Before social media it was the over load of magazines, music videos, television shows, actresses and singers who we would compare ourselves with and sulk in how we fell short according to what they had, how they looked, where they went etc. Now that social media has been "the thing" for over 10 years, many people are no longer comparing their life with celebrities but instead they are looking at their followers, their friends, their family members, their "likes" and feel inadequate. I wrote this many moons ago when I was trying to break free from those thoughts that held me captive for so long and in that moment I realized that insecurities are like the person who shows up at your house uninvited. Stop opening the door to negative thoughts based on the social media highlight reels we see and start walking with authority and confidence in who God created you to be! You are more than enough! #pressOn #noweight  

Visitor

Victimizer in this game of lies.

Honesty, not a reality of my own world.

In an atmosphere too unhealthy to live, in a home unmade a house...

My victims are you, yourself, mind and soul.

I come at you in dark, while your mind is idle, body relaxed.

I tell you how precious you are and you believe me.

I lead you into dark caves, mysterious like midnights eyes.

Hidden behind a crimson veil.

 I.

    am.

         your.

                insecurities...

4 the boogey (whoa)MAN

#NPM14: Day 3- like Sunday morning...

I wanted to post the rest of the poems I picked out for National Poetry Month even though April is over. It's not a lot but since April was so draining for me I wanted to get them out there regardless. :)

God has truly blessed and connected me to some amazing women since college! There are people that God will bring in your life who will exceed your idea of what friendship means. There was a time when I couldn't get past the disconnect I had with many women. I'm an introvert who believes the revolution should be televised. I'm a feminist who believes in allowing her husband to lead as he receives direction from God. I want to hug and snuggle and forehead kiss every amazing person I meet but I want people to be respectful of boundaries. I'm a walking contradiction and this is for my fellow Tupac in a sundress: The Love Supreme Queen

#NPM 2014: Day 2- Athleticism

A few years ago I heard Maya Angelou make this statement and it really got my gears turning about my life up until that point. I began to reflect on my imperfections that would constantly stare me in the face daily. The internal battle I had over my body and those insecurities you attempt to "secure" but they always seem to "win." I thought about the lies told on me, the whispers behind my back, the fake friends who turned into enemies, the laughter in my face, the threats, the jealousy, and just the drama I had to endure to be able to see myself the way God sees me. I took this quote to heart and recognized that I had been catching this "stuff" with my hands and I never threw it back. I allowed it to define me. It became a part of how I saw myself and I found myself being weaker than I would portray. In those moments I would be alone, the best time for the enemy to rule your thoughts, I would want to be a different person, in a different place, with a different life. I hated who I "was" (according to what other people said about me) and I couldn't see beyond that hate.

But I grew tired and began to stop caring about the lies and the whispers. I began to share myself, my struggles, my insecurities with people who needed it before anyone could have a chance to make it their gossip topic. I began to take ownership of my junk, my growth, my womanhood and finally started walking in who God said I was, not man. I learned agility in how I handled those naysayers, speed in how I moved within a world that stopped for no one, flexibility in how I defined my friendships, and balance with how I listened to what God said about me versus what the world said about me. I became athletic, in my mind and spirit, and from that revelation I now live out the importance of #noweight!

Heads up my warriors! Ears shut to those "friends" you should've left alone years ago. Heart open to God's love and guidance for your life. And feet pressed firmly on the throat of the enemy for any THING he wants to say about you that will make you question who you KNOW you are! Catcher's mitt on! #noweight

Athleticism

I have silenced my sins so that saints won’t seek my soul.

Grew braces over my back to help my bones become better billboards.

Showcasing my beauty that, because of your complaints,

I had to cease from expressing evermore.

I planted voice boxes on the back of my brain so that I could respond to your thoughts that were watered down with bad soil.

Holding onto roots that wither in all seasons of the year.

Rocking steady, so that body language will never be confused with miscommunication. Your face speaks volumes while your heart empty, silent, barren.

You have forgotten the importance of better to be-loved than bitter, boring, and beating the bottom of the bucket.

The word “Because” stopped being an answer when grandmothers stopped letting children be their best friends and started switching pops and “painches” up for silent dinners, empty corners, and toys that had words in them...

we call them books.

You have misplaced your values, your respect, and your peace of mind for a millisecond of time that you think will leave me broken, distraught, lost, and lonely.

But little do you know...

I wear one catcher’s mitt...

4 catching vs. throwing it back

#NPM 2014: Day 1 Birth-Month

Life happens. And more than likely life will not find you "prepared" for what it might throw at you. Last summer I had a life happens moment that made me feel completely abandoned. I found myself crossing off one of the things on the list I created not because it didn't happen but because it DID happen but it did not end the way I thought it should've ended. I stood in that season and heard the words, "I had a miscarriage" slip from my lips as I tried to convince myself it was a dream.

Since that moment I shared my story. I shared it at a time that might have been too soon according to man's timeline but God uses #nomakeup to face those ugly moments that we have to walk through in life in order to transparently pull someone out of the pit that they are too afraid to come out of. What I didn't realize [at the time] was the amount of women who are impacted by miscarriages all the time. They are your friends, your neighbors, your church members, your cousin, your niece, your sister. You sit next to them at the doctor’s office. You pass them on the street secretly hurting. You intercede for them when they simply ask, “pray for me.” You find yourself being one…

Here is my prayer that I shared with someone and I want to cover whoever is reading this in need of prayer: 

I pray full term without any complications for your next pregnancy. I pray that God will continue to meet you in those moments when you feel confused, worried, or hurting. I pray that God will give you peace as you move forward with ease as he opens your womb and strengthens you on this journey towards and through motherhood. Trust God’s timing. Seek His heart and keep pressing my loves…

Few days after finding out. His joy helped my pain!

BIRTH-month

Me and baby

Webe dancing

Webe singing

Webe laughing

Webe living

Webe breathing

Heartsbe beating

Bloodbe flowing

Godbe knowing

That meandbaby

Be

Over.

Heart still beats…

4 unexpected breakups

27 weeks. God is so faithful. Believe!

30 poems. 30 days: Day 29 We Wear The Mask

In my bio I share that the very first poem I ever read was written by Paul Laurence Dunbar. This poem wasn’t the exact poem I read but I felt with my Nomakeup theme this poem would be perfect to share. We Wear the Mask is self-explanatory; the idea that in order to fit in or to avoid having to address our reality we should wear this mask to hide all of those ‘not so pretty’ things about us. Behind that Mask (Makeup) only God can hear our cries making those around us believe we are happy with where we are until we realize how exhausting hiding becomes. #nomakeup #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 26- Billie (long distance love)

Long distance relationships can be difficult. No matter if they are 2 hours away or an entire continent away it can be difficult to maintain. Trying to keep things fresh and exciting can become challenging. You both have to believe in what you have and believe in the desire you share to make this thing work. Because if you don’t you will find yourself sitting silently between phone calls and misinterpreted text message wondering why you are feeling the blues. Open your mouth and bring attention to the shift in the atmosphere. Sometimes a relationship walks away in order to encourage us to do the same. Don’t force it… #PressON #4theBillies #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 25- Post Relationship

Day 25: #NPM13 (Hey LADIES)
For that dude you thought you’d be with forever but that crap just didn’t work out. Yeah, the dude you spent more time battling with but you were too settled to want to let it go even though you KNEW you were doomed before you began; A dysfunctional relationship. I’m talking about that homie who you were friends with first but the relationship messed up the very thing y...ou said you cherished about one another. YES for the ending, for the revelation, for moving forward and letting love find you. Fall in love with the possibility and stop reliving the break up. Enough is enough. #PressOn. #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 24- Milestones (For my Husband)

Today I celebrate 30 years in the life of my husband! If you have had the pleasure of meeting Scott or talking to him you will know that he is such a one of a kind spirit. Thoughtful, giving, never meets a stranger and just a cool cat to be around. I am forever thankful that God told you I am she that you would spend forever with. Words don't do justice to express my love for you. I learn so much from your calm nature; you make me a better woman. I pray that God will continue to guide you as you press into your purpose with more passion and belief that He will do what He said He would do in your life and the lives of those you touch. I wish I could give you a portion of ALL that you give to me. I adore you, I support you, I celebrate you in this life and the next! #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 23- Dust Biting

Sometimes love can take you to a place where, once you arrive 3 years later without any clue as to where this situation is headed, you try to make up for lost time. You realize you don’t have the answers for the questions that people have but they don’t know your situation like you do. You begin to wonder if their questions are legitimate, if you should have the same questions but instead of looking that thing in the eye and coming to terms with the fact you might be alone, you instead maintain the chase and swallow the dust along the way. Stop letting love give you the cotton mouth because you want more than what someone is willing to give you. You deserve the absolute BEST and God has purposed someone to give you all of that and more. But we must be willing and BOLD enough to put periods in the place we continue to allow to run on. #noWEIGHT #youcandoit #PressON

30 poems. 30 days: Day 22- Just for You

For loving unconditionally. For never imagining life without someone. For being a better person because of their existence. For always wanting to feel the way you felt the first time you laid eyes on them. For the pursuit of happiness, the adventure of love and the joy of fellowship. #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 21- Land of the Free

Every day a young girls dream is shattered because she is abused, raped, neglected, trafficked, forgotten, or abandoned. She turns to cutting, binge eating, prostitution, drugs, destructive behaviors and we treat her like she doesn’t belong. That liberty means something different for those suffering, that peace is only a white flag symbolically raised when the battle that wasn’t meant to be fought becomes too much to handle, that only the fittest survive the evils of the world. These lies she eats, the pain she digests, she hides out of paranoia while we shout OUR freedom... 

#noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 20- Psalm 2012

God is walking me through some stuff where I am discovering His purpose for my life. In this season crossover I have often felt lost, confused, angry, bitter, frustrated, excited, and lonely. Sometimes God will get us to a place of “Here Am I” and keep us there in order to shape us into who HE wants us to be. Frequently we get in the way, so easily distracted we can be, we cuss, we fuss, we hate on the next person for what we think God is doing in their life while we sit in silence waiting to receive His next move for our life. But in that winter season when root systems are being established and strengthened for the next season and the junk you are harboring is dying, you must learn to embrace every inch of growth that you are being stretched into because when God says, "it is time" you must be mature enough to say “Amen.” #nomakeup #Godsaid

In Phoenix

30 poems. 30 days: Day 18 action

I love words.
I love how one word can paint a picture for a story you weren't trying to tell.
This is one of those poems.

action

keeping kodak creations stored away for tomorrow.

causing constant confusion as I dwell upon my sorrow.

while we weather through the storm, saturated, and soft.

lackadaisical laughing low, always getting lost....

 4 movement

30 poems. 30 days: Day 16 Tree of Life

A few months after Hurricane Katrina I went to New Orleans and while driving the first thought that came to my mind, seeing the damage that had occurred, was the scene in the Lion King after the fall of Mufasa; Lifeless, dead, empty, lonely, barren. Chaos in a moment of stillness; fear in a moment of peace. I wrote this piece thinking about how often we exude these exact emotions. How our lives can be so full of value and growth but then a shift occurs (death, breakup, foreclosure, divorce, repossession, tornado, hurricane, diagnosis, abuse etc.) and we are left in ruins. Voices shattered. Heart beats silent; yet we attempt to live this lie. #nomakeup Be renewed. God sees what you’re going through and He won’t leave you stranded after a stampede calling out, “Father, Father.” He hears you.

Heads up!

#PressOn.

Post Hurricane Katrina

Tree of Life

Trees in the winter look like an elephant’s grave yard,

in which the King Lying, has barked away enough leaves,

only to stay.

And I yell out the wrong plays in order to get to the right place.

I spray you with mace so your reaction won’t be late.

I wipe away the tears from my ears because

until you stop beating my drums,

I will never be able to hear.

Your face creates a line of sweat across your hairline because

They’re not even sticking with your sap…

4 value

30 poems. 30 days: Day 15 No Spring-Cleaning

July 2012

Wishing my grandfather a HAPPY Birthday!

Love him to pieces!

  

Seasons change; Life blooms in the spring. For the love you will experience in this season, for the love you will support, for the love you will fall in love with over and over again. Here’s to new beginnings in matters of the heart!

#speaklife

#nomakeup

No Spring-cleaning

We write words while working on loving one another.
More t...han movies we make in the middle of hearts.
Heating hell’s fire so much it gets cooler than,
U and EYE behind lenses on Saturday.
When we’d always choose each other
over cleaning cabinets and cars.

4 Satur-days

30 poems. 30 days: Day 14 The Battle (for breakups)

Have you ever experienced a breakup and in that moment you thought it was the best decision ever but then the reality sets in and you realize how much you miss that person. You dare not tell them you miss them, you make them think you don't care about them, when they call or when you see them out you act real nonchalant but deep inside, your heart is whispering i miss you. But honestly, you don't want the relationship back. Perhaps you just want that friendship back; For that person to be the person you met before the craziness that can occur in a relationship. For a simple breakup without any drama it can be difficult to remain friends with someone you still have feelings about. So the internal battle continues but every battle has a conclusion.
Heads up, big smile, this too shall pass; God has something better!
#noweight

I think this is hilarious! #yougotThis #imbiased #justlaugh

The Battle

I can't stop thinking about you,

trying to occupy my time.

Trying to do other things,

walking straight on an uneven line.

Trying to avoid seeing you out,

but wanting to see you so bad.

Trying not to sound excited when you call,

and when you don't;

getting mad.

Trying to keep my heart a float,

not beating outside my chest.

Trying to keep it closed away,

putting my emotions laying rest.

Trying not to think of if you care,

or even miss seeing my face.

Putting my finger on the issue,

but always losing my place.

Trying to read your every move

and the ones when you stand still.

Moving my eyes to avoid your gaze

slowly lacking the will.

Trying not to try to do,

the things I say I won't.

Doing what I want to do,

even if I don't.

Escaping to that part of me,

that never felt this way before.

Getting lost on the journey,

opening the wrong door.

Hiding behind the wall in me,

invisible to the naked eye.

Trying to remain honest with myself

but always living this lie...

4 double lives

30 poems. 30 days: Day 13 The Surrogates (A poem)

What’s your type? Tall, thin, short, big, “long hair don’t care”, short hair with some flair, big feet, small hands; what is it? How many times have you changed who you were to fit this “type” for the person you were interested in? Be honest… The clip-ins, clip-ons, booty pops, pumping iron, wearing suits when you know you rock sneakers and hoodies because you’ve realized that’s what “they” like.

But check it…

We have to stop looking to other people for who we should be and start loving everything we are. Because who you are is the “type” for someone and for that you should rest easy. Stop giving birth to a child that doesn’t belong to you. Don’t feed into the clone hype loves.

Be YOU!

#noweight

The surrogates (a poem)

I named her “Maxine because she looks just like you.”

Wearing hair longer than yours,

with curls to add some flair.

A mole on her face,

in your exact same place,

as if God came down and put it there.

She’s a ball full of bubbles, more spunk, more fun,

with the same love you share for him.

And I don’t care, which one he picks, because neither of his chances look dim.

You both love what you don’t understand, wasting time on someone who has a choice.

You seal off your life, ignoring other men, not speaking because he took away your voice.

So caught up, in a fairytale,

that Disney himself couldn’t pen.

Waiting for him at the finish line, but you haven’t yet begun to win.

He speaks,

words of affirmation,

to keep you close to home.

But little do you know,

he’s not hurting at all,

because he’s found himself your clone.

4 Having a type