30 Layers, 30 Days. Day 3: Cravings

DEVELOPMENT: 

To keep it real I was thinking about two different topics when I wrote this: food and the women in damaging relationships/friendships. I'm not getting any younger. I was telling one of my sorority sisters a few months ago how annoyed I was with the part of aging that requires me to watch what I eat and slid into the gym to workout. I HATE working out and even though the word on the street is that "thick thighs save lives" I can't apply that theory to my life. I will never have skinny thighs; even when I was super skinny my thighs were still thick so shout out to the forever thick thigh women in the world. But I can't think that they will tone themselves, right? Ugh! So annoying LOL! 

So many of us hold on to people not because they make us feel good or happy but because they make us feel comfortable, just like food. We make emotional decisions to stay with men because we've been with them "forever" or to keep entertaining messy and destructive women because we don't want to be confrontational or go place by ourselves. We must learn to say NO to all of the above. The snack cakes, messy women and the men who don't honor us the way we should be honored: NO and goodbye because your health depends on it. 

All my Love, 

30 Layers, 30 Days. Day 2: Worth The Wait

DEVELOPMENT: 

As we get older our ability to wait for God's best for us becomes a much harder task than it should be. We want to rush into love, rush to move, rush to a new job that we think will make us happy or fill whatever void we have or cover up our insecurities we haven't addressed but that is such a dangerous perspective. There's no quick route to healing, growth, love, maturity; You have to walk through each season, give yourself grace because no matter how beautiful the aisle you desire to walk down, running down it doesn't always get you to the destination your heart desires. Be patient and stay faithful. He knows where you are... rest. 

All my love, 

30 Layers 30 Days: Writing Challenge

Hey guys! 

If you haven't noticed I've been having an issue with writing. I don't know, I hit this weird wall that wasn't writers block but more of a writers-overthinking-paralysis. I've felt really paralyzed by not knowing what to write, how to write it, in addition to working on a book that feels like it will never be released because #writingparalysis. It's been frustrating year with pen and pad, keyboard keys and laptop for me. 

I would start journaling and then stop. Start back and then try to suppress my desire to open the notebook to write something because... I'm sure this is probably considered writers depression. After a trip to California (I've been traveling a lot this year you guys! God is amazing) for work with my hubby I came back with so much spunk. It was such a powerful experience just being around other entrepreneurs who are young grinders and that was just what I needed to shake this funk. 

I didn't have a clear segue into blogging again. Just pop back up in your inbox without any transparency of what's been going on isn't my style. When you write for so long and everything is so organic and then technology and content creating happens, making the organic become strategic, it was difficult for me to flow with the change of blogging and how people are reached by encouragement and empowering stories. This quite possibly makes me slightly elderly in my thought process but I'm working through opening my mind and gift. Working on finding a balance between bringing an updated version of my initial vision for this blog and the one I never imagined it to be. 

To help me shed some of the writers stink I've been rolling around in, I decided to do a writing challenge and what better challenge to do than the 30 Layers 30 Days challenge. It's a challenge with prompts to encourage writers to just write what they feel from the title of the prompt. There aren't any boxes; It's a free verse, free expression, be you type of challenge. 

I thought this would also help me get a system to post on here more than I have in the last... 

6 months 

*shame*

There's a prompt per day and while most of my engagement is on Instagram, I will expound more on what I wrote from the prompt on here. 

DAY 1: EYES WIDE OPEN

DEVELOPMENT: 

There are times where we as women allow our past experiences and brokenness to lead, as we follow behind. Because our emotions can dictate much of how we respond to people, places and things I took the approach of the eyes of the heart being wide open because often times that's how we "see" a new potential partner. But what is really important is seeing ourselves not as women bound by the definition of what we walked through or walked away from or what the crowd might be whispering about us. Instead, we must learn to see ourselves through the eyes of our hearts for our strength, our faith, our resilience before we can ever see through our natural eyes into what or how someone else can love or see us for who we really are. 

Make sure that you are following me on Instagram so that we can chat each day about what's pouring out of me through these prompts. 

Thank you all for hanging with me as I grow as a woman, wife and mother and writer. 

I love you forever! 

When God Blocks It...

Today as I was driving back home from visiting my family it began to rain. It was just me and the boys and they had finally settled down from fighting sleep and I entered into a place of worship and dialogue with God. He began to take me back to the moment when I wanted to mend the broken pieces of my life and fill the voids with a relationship with my father that I came so close to meeting him but God blocked it.

The Mother: Fear-The Thief of Life's Best Moments

Somewhere along the way of this motherhood journey I became bound by fear. Not the type of fear that is centered around the specifics of the children but instead the specifics of me: my words, my actions, my disconnect, my uncertainty, my expression of love, how I interact, my wisdom, my mortality. I became so engulfed with being afraid of life vanishing from my body, that I began to feel like I wasn't living life.

I've always had more fear than faith; a very scary kid and sometimes a scary adult. The details of my story made my glass seem half empty and I carried that with me into motherhood. Trying to pull optimism from places of unfamiliarity, fear began to rob me of moments the minute I found out I was pregnant.

The Woman: Unveiling God's Strength (t-shirt)

For the last few months God has been dropping random sentences in my spirit.

They all have related to the importance of our story.
Last week, as I was reading over them, I kept thinking how awesome it would be to have these words on a shirt to make a declaration of what He's done in our lives through our journey and testimony.

So I sat down and came up with some designs, got super excited and then sent a text to my village. When I sent them the screenshots they were just as excited as I was.

I'm offering them through a campaign because it was such an easy process for everyone when I did the nomakeup tshirts.

Order your shirt here!

The Woman: Your Story Doesn't Have to be Perfect. It Just Has to be Heard...

A friend (and Soror) of mine, Torrie Chatman, founded the women's ministry Beloved. She called me back in November and asked if I would share my story in January for their Remove The Makeup series on the topic of the impact witnessing Domestic Violence has on children. Before she called, God told me that I would be sharing this story but I would have to go deeper than what I've done before. I didn't know why he was giving me this "heads up" but when she called I knew I needed to say yes. Of course after we hung up I thought what in the world did I just say yes to. But God reminded me that when He called me to be transparent and "remove the makeup" that didn't come with any exceptions. Ouch. The enemy tried to discourage me for the months leading up to the event but I had to keep reminding myself that God is strategic and that there was healing and freedom on the other side of my testimony, for another woman. Thinking about those who are still suffering in silence, bound by grief, guilt, shame, confusion, and emptiness, I became more excited about going deeper into my story than I thought I would.

5 Ways To Recognize When God Is Shifting You Into the Next Thing.

Yesterday I woke up to thirty-one. As a naturally introspective person, especially reflective on my birthday, I decided to write this long overdue post (emphasis on long). This last year has been a whirlwind and I mean that with a joyful heart. I became a mother of two, traded in my Lexus for a compact car and left my job at NASA because God told me to.

The Woman: 7 Ways To Be Considerate When God Considers YOU

A few months ago I spent some time going through the book of Job. Life began to feel overwhelming and I began to doubt every single thing that God has spoken to me. I started feeling like I was going through life with a "business as usual" approach and I do not have that type of personality. I believe in purpose and pursuing it; discovering life and all it entails along the journey. However, I no longer felt that "umph" anymore. So I began to re-read the book of Job. I knew the story: great man, tested greatly, lost everything, but worshiped God anyway. For where I felt I was in my spiritual walk, I thought it would be a great refresher to get me going. Before I could get good into the story again, I slammed on the brakes at verse 8: "Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you CONSIDERED my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

Hold up God…

The Woman: The "Art" of Online Journaling is Long Gone...

200 posts ago I started this blog.
21 years old.
Junior year in college.
In a situation-ship that I thought would lead to a marital-ship.

My sacrifice duster...

Sometimes lonely. Sometimes lost. Sometimes happy. Completely open yet running to be closed off. Poetry was my life. How I functioned on a campus where, often times, I felt like an outcast. My thoughts were different. My actions were strange; not my partying and drinking though… that was just like everyone else. But it was an interesting time in my life.

It was September 2005 and people were into the online journal thing. One of my roommates from the prior school year was really dedicated to her online journal. It seemed to help her express those things she couldn’t verbally express and still be understood. We were an amazing pair of different. Only we would understand why watching The Cosby Show and making a midnight run to the local Bruno’s for cocoa pebbles was totally appropriate on school nights.

But at this time I no longer had a roommate, just a room. No midnight runs for cereal, just insomnia, oh and lots and lots of research papers (Thank you Human Development Family Studies major and Psychology minor). Through my insomnia I began to write more often. I decided to journal… online and express those things I didn’t want to share with those around me, to some other soul out in the world wide web who might see a piece of themselves in my words. My words that seemed so unimportant at times coming out of my mouth yet so powerful when read out loud. Same words. Different process. GO write. So I did.

My very first post was a poem comparing my body to written poetry in a sexual escapade of words escaping from my skin as I expressed my desire to be wanted by the writer in my heart. No I wasn’t married when I wrote this (sorry saints) but my creative writing covered all areas of discussion. There wasn’t a theme for my blog besides being open. In 2005 I wasn't the guest of honor at events sharing my story in front of an audience. No, just a girl being a "barefoot and naked" writer. Free from the metaphorical makeup I wore on a daily basis. Stripped of the titles that found their way attached to my name. Just me. Behind the Makeup. Along the way, a young, handsome, silky smooth man named Scott stumbled across my blog. He began to read my crazy "deep posts" and decided I was someone he wanted to get to know better. He sent me a message on Facebook letting me know he was a reader of my blog and he enjoyed my expression. We would later go on a date, get engaged, get married (20 months after my very first post) and years later, have two sons. ;)

The Author: On The Heels... of an amazing encounter! (Book Release)

I’m back!!

You know when it rains it pours and after my son’s birthday our summer travels were non-stop!

The bachelorette party for one of my best friends

road trip to Cleveland

DST Centennial Celebration

Family Reunion

and finally the wedding

I have seen more of the highway than my house in the last month, not to mention, in the midst of all of this, I was pressed to complete the edits (huge thank you to my sister/June 21st mother twin Leah from 3 Girls with Curls! Two mothers with toddlers making it happen) and release my devotional On the Heels of My Father!!! Before I pick up blogging about what I’ve been doing since the end of June, what I’ve learned, trials I faced in the month of July, and sharing a message to encourage you along the way I must take this time to say THANK YOU to those who have ordered their copy of On the Heels of My Father.

Autographed copies: On the Heels-Autographed

Direct link: On the Heels of My Father direct

The Face Behind the Makeup: Self Interview Questions

1. What part of the state do you call home?

I call Madison my home although, as a military brat spending the majority of my youth in the north, that definition is a little blurred for me.

2. How long have you been blogging?

I started blogging while in college in 2005 so it will be 8 years this fall

Pressing On: Women Chronicles

Empower other women

God has connected me to some ah-may-zing women! 

Their stories, their ability to overcome, their beauty, their intelligence, their strength, their grace; I am moved by their essence. This thing, this life, is so much bigger than us. We are all connected through our womanhood, our experiences, and our message.

I am a firm believer in spending more time collaborating than causing dissension and drama. With every inch of my being I really dislike drama and the inability we can possess to work together for a greater good. I am a constant learner and I am energized by women who are on a mission to leave their footprints on the world. 

In the process of sharing my story and empowering you through On the Heels of My Father I wanted to celebrate some of the women I admire and share their stories with you these last few weeks of May. 

I want women, who feel defeated by the chapter they are living in their story, to know that God has the power to shift atmospheres. He can change your playgrounds and playmates but you have to be willing to yield, be honest about where you are, and remain faithful about the season changing. 

Empower, Uplift, Purpose:
This too shall pass. 

Heads up, #nomakeup, #noweight, Press On!

Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned

Last year the saying, “if it ain’t one thing it’s another” was the theme and I kept wondering where God was in the midst of this chaos. Giving up our house, losing a car, behind on bills; I felt like my prayers were stopping at the top of my voice and never penetrating the atmosphere. It’s difficult to see your way out of a situation you are walking through and I honestly couldn’t see beyond that place.

On the Heels of My Father: Removing the Weight While Walking into your Purpose (Pre-Order)

The movement starts within

God takes my breath away; I am speechless.

  

How God will sit you down, teach you a lesson, and then shift you into the very place you thought you missed.

Have you ever had a bad day? A bad month? What about a bad year? A year where you wondered if God noticed your situation. Money was kinda funny, more bills than bucks, repossession, foreclosure, solitude; Moments when you felt so disconnected from your purpose that you felt like everyday was a walk in the season of winter: Lost, frigid, lonely.

I spent the past year just trying to keep trying. I wouldn't have imagined that God would call me to SHARE this experience. Because it wasn't your usual down on my luck type of situation. I watched God take my broken places, my foul attitude, my JUNK and turn it into a message that makes ME cry every time I read it. He showed me that there are so many people in this same situation but they lack the strength to press on. I wanted to give up and when He told me I would be the messenger I wanted to RUN. Just hide in the very place I had been hiding while being angry with where I felt He was holding me hostage.

It's time for a SHIFT...

How do we grow if we continue doing the same thing over and over? Some of us aren’t even expecting a different result so I can’t label your behavior insanity. Some of us find ourselves comfortable with the way things have been and we dare not challenge the system or rock the boat. But why do we fail to get out of the boat? We give people and situations a label because of something we experienced previously and instead of moving forward to the next thing we remain stagnant. I know so many people with relational strongholds that they don’t have to have. You don’t have to be with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, you don’t have to remain friends with someone just because you’ve always been friends, you don’t have to live up to the hype of what the world has said you would become. You just have to be YOU. I say that so easily but I have to remind myself that some of you have no idea who you are. So who are you? What are your values? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? Why don’t you STRIVE to do that? What holds you back from stepping into your greatness? Better yet WHO holds you back from stepping into your greatness?  Be honest. No one is looking. That person is the person you need to let go.

30 poems. 30 days: Day 30- Haiku #4

Those who know me know that I love Jill. I could tell she was a poet from her very first song so when she released her book I was over the clouds excited. There are so many pieces that I just absolutely ADORE but this piece is one that motivates me to #PressOn. I learned very young that everyone is not going to celebrate with you, they aren’t going to love things the way that you love them, they aren’t going to pray for you to succeed, and more importantly they aren’t going where you’re going. People will lie about you, talk about you, make plots to see you fail, attempt to speak negativity into your life; and some of these people are the ones you hang with all the time. But instead of hating them for falling into the trap that the enemy set before them to work against you causing you to be weighed down, you must be able to love them beyond the circumstance. That doesn’t mean keep them around that means not feeding into their madness.

For your growth, for your healing, for your next season; #noweight.

30 poems. 30 days: Day 29 We Wear The Mask

In my bio I share that the very first poem I ever read was written by Paul Laurence Dunbar. This poem wasn’t the exact poem I read but I felt with my Nomakeup theme this poem would be perfect to share. We Wear the Mask is self-explanatory; the idea that in order to fit in or to avoid having to address our reality we should wear this mask to hide all of those ‘not so pretty’ things about us. Behind that Mask (Makeup) only God can hear our cries making those around us believe we are happy with where we are until we realize how exhausting hiding becomes. #nomakeup #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 28 anyone lived in a pretty how town

In 9^th grade I read my first e.e. Cummings poem and my life changed forever. Prior to this I only knew of poets such as Shakespeare with his sonnets or Edgar Allan Poe where there was a frequent rhyming pattern; proper usage of punctuation. But e.e. broke all of these “rules” and changed the idea of the norm. This poem talks about how people disliked this man and woman because they were different. They decided they didn’t want to live their lives like everyone else full of predictable, mundane activities but instead they wanted to pave their own path. Just because you live in a pretty how town doesn’t mean you have to be just another someone. #beYOU #Godsaid

30 poems. 30 days: Day 27 Warriors Walk Alone

One of my best friends introduced me to this poem by Jessica Care Moore while in college. I would often share with her how I feel "lonely" in this walk to do whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. The frustration I felt at times from people "not getting" the revolution I was trying to ignite within them. She shared this with me to empower me on my journey and I have kept this phrase in my spirit ever since. Sometimes God will position us to roll solo. We have to stop questioning the construction of God’s plan for our lives and start embracing the warrior; lioness that lives within us. The revolutionary who dreams bigger than her mind could ever comprehend because she believes in the power that God has given her to change the world. #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 26- Billie (long distance love)

Long distance relationships can be difficult. No matter if they are 2 hours away or an entire continent away it can be difficult to maintain. Trying to keep things fresh and exciting can become challenging. You both have to believe in what you have and believe in the desire you share to make this thing work. Because if you don’t you will find yourself sitting silently between phone calls and misinterpreted text message wondering why you are feeling the blues. Open your mouth and bring attention to the shift in the atmosphere. Sometimes a relationship walks away in order to encourage us to do the same. Don’t force it… #PressON #4theBillies #noweight