Pressing On: Overcoming Divorce

Freedom

Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned

The only time I remember feeling spiritually abandoned was after my divorce.  I remember feeling empty and alone.  Like life as I knew it was over.  I wondered everyday why this would be my story.  I had an incredible sense of failure and guilt.  Like no one understood or could help me.

Pressing On: Job Market Woes

Poor Job Market

Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned

I graduated from the University of Alabama in 2007 and in that same month began a Master’s program to gain certification to teach public school. I had been actively running away from the field of teaching but in my junior year of undergrad, had accepted the calling and I just KNEW I would be blessed in pursuing this degree. (Ever wonder about how much we THINK we KNOW?) However, after graduating with a Master’s in Education, while also working for a year in the local school system, I ended the year without a job or any such prospects. I had just begun a fast and was intensely seeking the Father for guidance, to simply hear a word of direction or encouragement. I was working part time in a retail position that constantly cancelled shifts and took up another position substituting at a former teaching center a few days a week to supplement; still, no word, no job. I took out cash advances on credit cards that had been paid in full just to make rent and my car payment. I even had a position come through in an elementary school as a long term sub that eventually ended up bottoming out before I could even start. I was at a loss as to what my next move should be and I had yet to hear from the Father, my Father, even after seeking his face and being in the midst of a fast. I was losing patience and my resolve was weakening. All I could think is "Why doesn't he answer?" Eventually, I decided I needed a change of pace and shared with God my desire to move and I was given a permissive 'yes'. I immediately found a job with the early childhood company I had been with for a few years in Atlanta but not even close to the pay or type of position I desired. I cried in frustration many times because I didn't understand what God was doing. Why would he allow me to move and find a job only to be in what I considered a position of failure? However, in that position I had more opportunities for growth and development as an educator and made more connections than I ever would have made had I stayed where I was. And though it has truly been a journey of trust and faith, my belief in my God has again been reinforced and uplifted. I learned to trust him again and to know that being faithful in a few things leads to him trusting me with so much more! 

Pressing On: Ending a Marriage

Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned 

I felt spiritually abandoned when I decided to end my marriage on our second anniversary. I had fasted, prayed, and yielded to the Spirit during the most difficult season of my life and, in my mind, had received nothing in return. I honestly thought that God was mad at me. Here I was 28, on my second marriage, and I felt like I had gotten "Punked" on what was supposed to be a day of celebration. I felt like God had turned His back on me. 

Pressing On: Women Chronicles

Empower other women

God has connected me to some ah-may-zing women! 

Their stories, their ability to overcome, their beauty, their intelligence, their strength, their grace; I am moved by their essence. This thing, this life, is so much bigger than us. We are all connected through our womanhood, our experiences, and our message.

I am a firm believer in spending more time collaborating than causing dissension and drama. With every inch of my being I really dislike drama and the inability we can possess to work together for a greater good. I am a constant learner and I am energized by women who are on a mission to leave their footprints on the world. 

In the process of sharing my story and empowering you through On the Heels of My Father I wanted to celebrate some of the women I admire and share their stories with you these last few weeks of May. 

I want women, who feel defeated by the chapter they are living in their story, to know that God has the power to shift atmospheres. He can change your playgrounds and playmates but you have to be willing to yield, be honest about where you are, and remain faithful about the season changing. 

Empower, Uplift, Purpose:
This too shall pass. 

Heads up, #nomakeup, #noweight, Press On!

Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned

Last year the saying, “if it ain’t one thing it’s another” was the theme and I kept wondering where God was in the midst of this chaos. Giving up our house, losing a car, behind on bills; I felt like my prayers were stopping at the top of my voice and never penetrating the atmosphere. It’s difficult to see your way out of a situation you are walking through and I honestly couldn’t see beyond that place.

On the Heels of My Father: Removing the Weight While Walking into your Purpose (Pre-Order)

The movement starts within

God takes my breath away; I am speechless.

  

How God will sit you down, teach you a lesson, and then shift you into the very place you thought you missed.

Have you ever had a bad day? A bad month? What about a bad year? A year where you wondered if God noticed your situation. Money was kinda funny, more bills than bucks, repossession, foreclosure, solitude; Moments when you felt so disconnected from your purpose that you felt like everyday was a walk in the season of winter: Lost, frigid, lonely.

I spent the past year just trying to keep trying. I wouldn't have imagined that God would call me to SHARE this experience. Because it wasn't your usual down on my luck type of situation. I watched God take my broken places, my foul attitude, my JUNK and turn it into a message that makes ME cry every time I read it. He showed me that there are so many people in this same situation but they lack the strength to press on. I wanted to give up and when He told me I would be the messenger I wanted to RUN. Just hide in the very place I had been hiding while being angry with where I felt He was holding me hostage.

30 poems. 30 days: Day 15 No Spring-Cleaning

July 2012

Wishing my grandfather a HAPPY Birthday!

Love him to pieces!

  

Seasons change; Life blooms in the spring. For the love you will experience in this season, for the love you will support, for the love you will fall in love with over and over again. Here’s to new beginnings in matters of the heart!

#speaklife

#nomakeup

No Spring-cleaning

We write words while working on loving one another.
More t...han movies we make in the middle of hearts.
Heating hell’s fire so much it gets cooler than,
U and EYE behind lenses on Saturday.
When we’d always choose each other
over cleaning cabinets and cars.

4 Satur-days

From Pity to Praise: The playlist

These are a few songs while I was walking, well more like sitting, in my winter season that really helped me cling onto Him more than ever. When you are walking in a dry, cold, frigid season it's very difficult to see beyond your current conditions. It can feel cold, not just spiritually because you're wondering what the heck God is doing or where He "went" or if He is "aware" that your life is feeling like it's in shambles, but also in the natural you begin to just feel... cold. Your interactions, your desires and your belief can be stifled and tested during this type of season. But if you can take it one day at a time, think about mountains He has moved in the past because you may not see any moving right now, admit your brokenness and your weakness, then you will be able to walk out of this season feeling like conqueror and not defeated. A few things changed for me from what I was walking through in 2012 (I know you're like but Caneeka that was just a month ago. Exactly! Keep reading.) 

What does your attitude towards your atmosphere say about your alliance with God... Goodbye 2012

2012 began with sacrifice. 

And I don’t know if you’ve have ever had to give up something you love but it’s not easy. When Scott and I were dating I had this sweater duster that I absolutely adored. I guess after seeing me in it morning, noon, and night he informed me that when we got married that duster would have to go. (Sad face)

Rollerskating

At the beach

In New Orleans

Spoken word event with my bestie

  

Seeing how serious he was I wore that mug out leading up to the day we got married and sure enough the time came for me to part ways with it. 

Some “stuff” we hold on to represents a time/season in our life that speaks to who we were. We find comfort in keeping these things close by because they make us feel, well, comfortable. But there will come a time when God will ask you part ways with something much bigger than a duster and you can choose to swallow your pain and be obedient or you can choose to rebel. I love my Daddy too much to rebel against His requests and no one ever said that submission and obedience were the easiest task to complete. This year we let go of so much (I would say lost but that would indicate regret) to find ourselves in a place of simplistic living very painful to endure. 

Eight.Ten. Twelve Prayer

I’m emotionally vulnerable.

In a strange, unfamiliar space.

Uncertain of how to move, be, live without feeling outside of myself.

Sometimes a shell of a woman I once knew.

There are moments in life when we go from having the cheat sheet. Knowing all of the answers to the test and then we draw a blank. Questions populate that weren’t on the study guide, weren’t in the book; the teacher never prepared you for what was coming. So in stillness you sit. Staring at blank pieces of paper. Numbered without multiple choices to choose. Spaces too small to fill in the blank. Extra pages not accepted.

A student in a classroom of chaos.

Wanting to panic but you don’t.

Continuing to sit peacefully.