#NPM 2014: Day 2- Athleticism

A few years ago I heard Maya Angelou make this statement and it really got my gears turning about my life up until that point. I began to reflect on my imperfections that would constantly stare me in the face daily. The internal battle I had over my body and those insecurities you attempt to "secure" but they always seem to "win." I thought about the lies told on me, the whispers behind my back, the fake friends who turned into enemies, the laughter in my face, the threats, the jealousy, and just the drama I had to endure to be able to see myself the way God sees me. I took this quote to heart and recognized that I had been catching this "stuff" with my hands and I never threw it back. I allowed it to define me. It became a part of how I saw myself and I found myself being weaker than I would portray. In those moments I would be alone, the best time for the enemy to rule your thoughts, I would want to be a different person, in a different place, with a different life. I hated who I "was" (according to what other people said about me) and I couldn't see beyond that hate.

But I grew tired and began to stop caring about the lies and the whispers. I began to share myself, my struggles, my insecurities with people who needed it before anyone could have a chance to make it their gossip topic. I began to take ownership of my junk, my growth, my womanhood and finally started walking in who God said I was, not man. I learned agility in how I handled those naysayers, speed in how I moved within a world that stopped for no one, flexibility in how I defined my friendships, and balance with how I listened to what God said about me versus what the world said about me. I became athletic, in my mind and spirit, and from that revelation I now live out the importance of #noweight!

Heads up my warriors! Ears shut to those "friends" you should've left alone years ago. Heart open to God's love and guidance for your life. And feet pressed firmly on the throat of the enemy for any THING he wants to say about you that will make you question who you KNOW you are! Catcher's mitt on! #noweight

Athleticism

I have silenced my sins so that saints won’t seek my soul.

Grew braces over my back to help my bones become better billboards.

Showcasing my beauty that, because of your complaints,

I had to cease from expressing evermore.

I planted voice boxes on the back of my brain so that I could respond to your thoughts that were watered down with bad soil.

Holding onto roots that wither in all seasons of the year.

Rocking steady, so that body language will never be confused with miscommunication. Your face speaks volumes while your heart empty, silent, barren.

You have forgotten the importance of better to be-loved than bitter, boring, and beating the bottom of the bucket.

The word “Because” stopped being an answer when grandmothers stopped letting children be their best friends and started switching pops and “painches” up for silent dinners, empty corners, and toys that had words in them...

we call them books.

You have misplaced your values, your respect, and your peace of mind for a millisecond of time that you think will leave me broken, distraught, lost, and lonely.

But little do you know...

I wear one catcher’s mitt...

4 catching vs. throwing it back

30 poems. 30 days: Day 30- Haiku #4

Those who know me know that I love Jill. I could tell she was a poet from her very first song so when she released her book I was over the clouds excited. There are so many pieces that I just absolutely ADORE but this piece is one that motivates me to #PressOn. I learned very young that everyone is not going to celebrate with you, they aren’t going to love things the way that you love them, they aren’t going to pray for you to succeed, and more importantly they aren’t going where you’re going. People will lie about you, talk about you, make plots to see you fail, attempt to speak negativity into your life; and some of these people are the ones you hang with all the time. But instead of hating them for falling into the trap that the enemy set before them to work against you causing you to be weighed down, you must be able to love them beyond the circumstance. That doesn’t mean keep them around that means not feeding into their madness.

For your growth, for your healing, for your next season; #noweight.

30 poems. 30 days: Day 27 Warriors Walk Alone

One of my best friends introduced me to this poem by Jessica Care Moore while in college. I would often share with her how I feel "lonely" in this walk to do whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. The frustration I felt at times from people "not getting" the revolution I was trying to ignite within them. She shared this with me to empower me on my journey and I have kept this phrase in my spirit ever since. Sometimes God will position us to roll solo. We have to stop questioning the construction of God’s plan for our lives and start embracing the warrior; lioness that lives within us. The revolutionary who dreams bigger than her mind could ever comprehend because she believes in the power that God has given her to change the world. #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 26- Billie (long distance love)

Long distance relationships can be difficult. No matter if they are 2 hours away or an entire continent away it can be difficult to maintain. Trying to keep things fresh and exciting can become challenging. You both have to believe in what you have and believe in the desire you share to make this thing work. Because if you don’t you will find yourself sitting silently between phone calls and misinterpreted text message wondering why you are feeling the blues. Open your mouth and bring attention to the shift in the atmosphere. Sometimes a relationship walks away in order to encourage us to do the same. Don’t force it… #PressON #4theBillies #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 25- Post Relationship

Day 25: #NPM13 (Hey LADIES)
For that dude you thought you’d be with forever but that crap just didn’t work out. Yeah, the dude you spent more time battling with but you were too settled to want to let it go even though you KNEW you were doomed before you began; A dysfunctional relationship. I’m talking about that homie who you were friends with first but the relationship messed up the very thing y...ou said you cherished about one another. YES for the ending, for the revelation, for moving forward and letting love find you. Fall in love with the possibility and stop reliving the break up. Enough is enough. #PressOn. #noweight

30 poems. 30 days: Day 24- Milestones (For my Husband)

Today I celebrate 30 years in the life of my husband! If you have had the pleasure of meeting Scott or talking to him you will know that he is such a one of a kind spirit. Thoughtful, giving, never meets a stranger and just a cool cat to be around. I am forever thankful that God told you I am she that you would spend forever with. Words don't do justice to express my love for you. I learn so much from your calm nature; you make me a better woman. I pray that God will continue to guide you as you press into your purpose with more passion and belief that He will do what He said He would do in your life and the lives of those you touch. I wish I could give you a portion of ALL that you give to me. I adore you, I support you, I celebrate you in this life and the next! #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 23- Dust Biting

Sometimes love can take you to a place where, once you arrive 3 years later without any clue as to where this situation is headed, you try to make up for lost time. You realize you don’t have the answers for the questions that people have but they don’t know your situation like you do. You begin to wonder if their questions are legitimate, if you should have the same questions but instead of looking that thing in the eye and coming to terms with the fact you might be alone, you instead maintain the chase and swallow the dust along the way. Stop letting love give you the cotton mouth because you want more than what someone is willing to give you. You deserve the absolute BEST and God has purposed someone to give you all of that and more. But we must be willing and BOLD enough to put periods in the place we continue to allow to run on. #noWEIGHT #youcandoit #PressON

30 poems. 30 days: Day 22- Just for You

For loving unconditionally. For never imagining life without someone. For being a better person because of their existence. For always wanting to feel the way you felt the first time you laid eyes on them. For the pursuit of happiness, the adventure of love and the joy of fellowship. #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 20- Psalm 2012

God is walking me through some stuff where I am discovering His purpose for my life. In this season crossover I have often felt lost, confused, angry, bitter, frustrated, excited, and lonely. Sometimes God will get us to a place of “Here Am I” and keep us there in order to shape us into who HE wants us to be. Frequently we get in the way, so easily distracted we can be, we cuss, we fuss, we hate on the next person for what we think God is doing in their life while we sit in silence waiting to receive His next move for our life. But in that winter season when root systems are being established and strengthened for the next season and the junk you are harboring is dying, you must learn to embrace every inch of growth that you are being stretched into because when God says, "it is time" you must be mature enough to say “Amen.” #nomakeup #Godsaid

In Phoenix

30 poems. 30 days: Day 19-Naive

I believe in healthy relationships. My platform for Remove The Makeup is based on the concept that we can not only live emotionally and spiritually healthy lives by letting go of the weight we carry, being more transparent/ real about who God created us to be and what He created us to do but we can and deserve to enjoy the happiness of healthy relationships (friendships included). So often we find ourselves engulfed with toxic people or in lust with a toxic person. They fail to celebrate your accomplishments, always speaking negative words into your life, jealous, hurtful, abusive, angry; evil. We stick with it because "we've been friends since 5th grade" or "they showed me love when I didn't receive it at home" but those excuses are holding you hostage in a place you were never meant to be in. God is waiting to introduce you to some AMAZING people and connect with the ONE He created just for you but you have to want to GROW beyond this place of not enough. You don't have to endure pain when you deserve happiness. There are signs that people give you to let you know to get the heck out of dodge but you have to be willing to see them. You don't have to explain why you are moving on and you don't have to apologize just move forward. I was ALWAYS attracting toxic people. Friends who weren't really my friends, relationships with guys were like *side eye* and I was tired of being bamboozled. So I prayed for discernment. I asked God to allow me to see people before they showed themselves to me. Listen, if you pray for discernment and expect God to give it to you and He does, you better use it. It will save your life. #PressOn #noweight #nomakeup

30 poems. 30 days: Day 18 action

I love words.
I love how one word can paint a picture for a story you weren't trying to tell.
This is one of those poems.

action

keeping kodak creations stored away for tomorrow.

causing constant confusion as I dwell upon my sorrow.

while we weather through the storm, saturated, and soft.

lackadaisical laughing low, always getting lost....

 4 movement

30 poems. 30 days: Day 17 Aorta

First Trimester I'm sure

When I found out I was pregnant my first thought was Ohhhh *whatever first comes to your mind* Lol! I wasn’t jumping up and down nor was I screaming with excitement. I was in full shock (like I didn’t know it would happen). Read more about how I felt about my pregnancy here.

8 week appointment

Be careful what you pray for because God is a man of His word. Doctors told us we needed “help” getting pregnant but my God said… I got this. The first appointment, when we heard the heartbeat, in that moment I realized that a. I was FOR REAL pregnant and b. God is beyond words amazing. I wrote this piece after that appointment and whenever the baby bear is laying on me and I can hear his little heart beating I’m reminded of that day when God said yes and I said Thank you! Selah. #nomakeup

First day home

Me and my baby bear (8 months old)

Aorta

Our baby has a heartbeat.

A rhythmic melody playing inside of my womb.

Making music to my heart, creating techno, grooving tunes.

Our baby has a heartbeat that pumps life through its soul.

Finding strength daily to continue to move and grow.

Our baby, God sent to us.

Heart beating His Holy muse.

Learning proverbs from my Father,

SELAH,

crimson hues.

Dancing on the water,

cruising through the flood,

discovering its existence,

exemplifying God’s love.

Our baby heart beats…

4 entering motherhood

30 poems. 30 days: Day 16 Tree of Life

A few months after Hurricane Katrina I went to New Orleans and while driving the first thought that came to my mind, seeing the damage that had occurred, was the scene in the Lion King after the fall of Mufasa; Lifeless, dead, empty, lonely, barren. Chaos in a moment of stillness; fear in a moment of peace. I wrote this piece thinking about how often we exude these exact emotions. How our lives can be so full of value and growth but then a shift occurs (death, breakup, foreclosure, divorce, repossession, tornado, hurricane, diagnosis, abuse etc.) and we are left in ruins. Voices shattered. Heart beats silent; yet we attempt to live this lie. #nomakeup Be renewed. God sees what you’re going through and He won’t leave you stranded after a stampede calling out, “Father, Father.” He hears you.

Heads up!

#PressOn.

Post Hurricane Katrina

Tree of Life

Trees in the winter look like an elephant’s grave yard,

in which the King Lying, has barked away enough leaves,

only to stay.

And I yell out the wrong plays in order to get to the right place.

I spray you with mace so your reaction won’t be late.

I wipe away the tears from my ears because

until you stop beating my drums,

I will never be able to hear.

Your face creates a line of sweat across your hairline because

They’re not even sticking with your sap…

4 value

30 poems. 30 days: Day 15 No Spring-Cleaning

July 2012

Wishing my grandfather a HAPPY Birthday!

Love him to pieces!

  

Seasons change; Life blooms in the spring. For the love you will experience in this season, for the love you will support, for the love you will fall in love with over and over again. Here’s to new beginnings in matters of the heart!

#speaklife

#nomakeup

No Spring-cleaning

We write words while working on loving one another.
More t...han movies we make in the middle of hearts.
Heating hell’s fire so much it gets cooler than,
U and EYE behind lenses on Saturday.
When we’d always choose each other
over cleaning cabinets and cars.

4 Satur-days

30 poems. 30 days: Day 14 The Battle (for breakups)

Have you ever experienced a breakup and in that moment you thought it was the best decision ever but then the reality sets in and you realize how much you miss that person. You dare not tell them you miss them, you make them think you don't care about them, when they call or when you see them out you act real nonchalant but deep inside, your heart is whispering i miss you. But honestly, you don't want the relationship back. Perhaps you just want that friendship back; For that person to be the person you met before the craziness that can occur in a relationship. For a simple breakup without any drama it can be difficult to remain friends with someone you still have feelings about. So the internal battle continues but every battle has a conclusion.
Heads up, big smile, this too shall pass; God has something better!
#noweight

I think this is hilarious! #yougotThis #imbiased #justlaugh

The Battle

I can't stop thinking about you,

trying to occupy my time.

Trying to do other things,

walking straight on an uneven line.

Trying to avoid seeing you out,

but wanting to see you so bad.

Trying not to sound excited when you call,

and when you don't;

getting mad.

Trying to keep my heart a float,

not beating outside my chest.

Trying to keep it closed away,

putting my emotions laying rest.

Trying not to think of if you care,

or even miss seeing my face.

Putting my finger on the issue,

but always losing my place.

Trying to read your every move

and the ones when you stand still.

Moving my eyes to avoid your gaze

slowly lacking the will.

Trying not to try to do,

the things I say I won't.

Doing what I want to do,

even if I don't.

Escaping to that part of me,

that never felt this way before.

Getting lost on the journey,

opening the wrong door.

Hiding behind the wall in me,

invisible to the naked eye.

Trying to remain honest with myself

but always living this lie...

4 double lives

30 poems. 30 days: Day 13 The Surrogates (A poem)

What’s your type? Tall, thin, short, big, “long hair don’t care”, short hair with some flair, big feet, small hands; what is it? How many times have you changed who you were to fit this “type” for the person you were interested in? Be honest… The clip-ins, clip-ons, booty pops, pumping iron, wearing suits when you know you rock sneakers and hoodies because you’ve realized that’s what “they” like.

But check it…

We have to stop looking to other people for who we should be and start loving everything we are. Because who you are is the “type” for someone and for that you should rest easy. Stop giving birth to a child that doesn’t belong to you. Don’t feed into the clone hype loves.

Be YOU!

#noweight

The surrogates (a poem)

I named her “Maxine because she looks just like you.”

Wearing hair longer than yours,

with curls to add some flair.

A mole on her face,

in your exact same place,

as if God came down and put it there.

She’s a ball full of bubbles, more spunk, more fun,

with the same love you share for him.

And I don’t care, which one he picks, because neither of his chances look dim.

You both love what you don’t understand, wasting time on someone who has a choice.

You seal off your life, ignoring other men, not speaking because he took away your voice.

So caught up, in a fairytale,

that Disney himself couldn’t pen.

Waiting for him at the finish line, but you haven’t yet begun to win.

He speaks,

words of affirmation,

to keep you close to home.

But little do you know,

he’s not hurting at all,

because he’s found himself your clone.

4 Having a type

30 poems. 30 days: Day 12 Breaks

Depression is real. And I’ve spoken before that in the black community it is one of those taboo subjects that goes unaddressed. Yet we recognize the impact mental health has on our family, friends, coworkers. Some of us have mastered the face of depression. No longer is it the blatant look of sadness but instead it’s a façade to avoid going through the motions. We have on layers of makeup to hide the pain that runs so deep and we never leave home without it. But we don’t have to face our hurt alone. Find support groups, recognize your struggle, don’t be afraid to speak up about needing help; let those who love you be there for you when they extend the offer.

#nosabotage #nomakeup #noweight #headsup #WEgotThis



Depression Information

Breaks

There’s a man I know, whose heart is on the rocks.

A soul deeper than the Pacific, without canal locks.

A mind of pure intelligence, infatuated not.

Loving deeply me, trapped, held down, caught.

He doesn’t understand his beauty, he’s blinded by his ail.

He holds a heart of stone, security he can’t inhale.

Outside you’d never know, inside he emotionally aches.

That’s the deception of appearance, "these are the breaks."

4 being stone cold

30 poems. 30 days: Day 11 Ghost Writer

There’s one person that you secretly admire. You dare not speak their name into the atmosphere or share your feelings with anyone else. Recognizing that having a crush doesn’t have an age so you write about your dreams with this person. You write your beginnings full run on sentences no punctuation unapologetically in the quiet stillness of your heart. Daydreaming about the day you will stop being the ghost writer and start being the one.

But until then…

#nomakeup

#justwrite

Ghost Writer

Writing poetry about you on the walls of my shower.

It was that kiss that had us whispering in midday conversations.

Having revelations about us spending our lives together.

Changing like the weather.

Saying something like whatever, every time you claim you love me.

Opening my mouth to swallow this poetry in the form of your tongue

and

it ain’t over until it’s done

so

let me wash you.

Cleanse you with this bar of Dove,

flying 8th grade love notes over your head

as I make intimacy with you

standing deep in the middle of my bed.

The drain catches each emotion that it rinses from your chest.

Stand still for me

and

let my tears enjoy this quest….

on the walls of my shower.

4 having a crush