Love and Marriage mini series- The Abrams

 Meet Shamar and Meoshia Abrams

Tell us your love story! (Include a picture of you two THEN and NOW)

Shamar and I met on the campus of UAB in the summer of 2001. I was an ambitious 18 year old ready to start my life away from home. Shamar played football for UAB and was enrolled in the summer term when we met. I saw Shamar in passing, however we never spoke to each other, until one day he followed me up the steps to my dorm room. Knowing I was being followed I hastily ran to my dorm door. Just as I reached for the door knob Shamar said, "Hey there, what's your name?" I nervously answered and said, "Meoshia." Shamar then asked me for my phone number, as I was stalling trying to decide if I should give him my number or not my then roommate yelled from inside, "Give him the correct number" Lol. So I gave him my number hoping that he wouldn't use it. I was only in summer school at UAB and therefore, I wasn't interested in engaging into a relationship that would have to end abruptly. Several days went by and Shamar tried to contact me via phone, however I ignored all his calls. Shamar became persistent in his endeavors to reach me. He started to send me roses weekly in an effort to get me to return his phone calls. The roses were so beautiful, I would take them to my grandmother because she loved them so dearly. After three weeks of fresh beautiful long stemmed red roses my grandmother encouraged me to go on a date with Shamar even though she had never met him. I was extremely reluctant to go on a date with this stranger and I made my roommate accompany me on my first date with Shamar. He was such a gentlemen, he didn't mind it at all, and he even paid for my friend’s movie ticket. It was like we were on a triple date. Hahaha! After the movie was over my friend encouraged me to have him drop her back off at the dorm so that we could go eat dinner alone. In that moment Shamar got his wish to take me on a date, just the two of us. While at dinner we got to know each other a little better. Ironically we ordered the same dish, and found out we had so many things in common. That night was the beginning of a friendship that has lasted longer than I could have ever imagined. Weeks went by and then a month in and it was time for me to transfer to the University of Alabama where I would start my college career. A few days before I left for the University of Alabama Shamar contacted me and said he needed to talk to me. While telling me he cared for me he gave me a promise ring and asked me to promise to never forget him. In that moment I knew Shamar and I had something special. We both completed college at our respective institutions while fostering a long distance relationship. We both became members of elite organizations, myself Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated and himself Omega Si Phi Fraternity Incorporated. Although very challenging we remained faithful to each other. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but we also had career goals we each wanted to focus on. We vowed we would focus on marriage after obtaining our masters degrees. Four months after I graduated from the University of Alabama with my master’s degree in social work, Shamar surprised me and asked me to be his wife and spend the rest of my life with him. With tears flowing I said, "YES." On August 18th 2007 our commitment to each other became official.

For many couples Valentine’s Day is the only time they feel loved by their significant other and/or spouse. How do you show your love to each other throughout the year?

Valentine's Day is just another day in our house. Love in shown 365 days of the year by our actions, attitudes, and spiritual commitments to one another and our family. We express love by going out of our way to make each other smile. Love has to be nurtured in order for it to grow, to make it clear that you love someone you show them that you value them, you encourage them, and most importantly you forgive them. That is how Shamar and I express our love throughout the year.

We all enter marriage with our own quirks. What’s one thing your spouse does that drives you crazy but you couldn’t imagine life without them doing it?

Most nights I go to bed before Shamar and often times he will lean over and ask me if I am asleep, knowing that I am, then he tries to have a conversation with me. In those times we often laugh the most because we say something that's hilarious to each other. I don't want to imagine not ever having him to wake me up just to talk even if it does get under my skin because he knows I'm asleep. Lol

Being a wife is more than just a title but it’s a ministry. When the enemy tries to attack your marriage what is your go to scripture?

Satan is always up to something however, I serve a God that can do anything but fail. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The aforementioned scripture is what I replay over and over in my head to remind myself that it is not my will but God's will for my life and even though test and trials come God has already devised a plan for our lives. I remind myself that God's plan is always greater than my present desires and fears.

Years pass, people grow older, bodies change, babies come but what is one thing about your spouse that still takes your breath away?

The fact that Shamar is a God fearing man who loves The Lord and desires to honor God more than himself leaves me speechless and takes my breath away on a daily basis. Shamar believes in doing things the way God has instructed. A man that loves God above all and places nothing before him is one of the sexiest men on this earth. Every day Shamar leads our family in prayer before we go our separate ways and that… is breath taking for me.

Many couples have marriage as their ultimate goal. What’s one piece of advice you’d give engaged couples?

To a newly engaged couple I encourage you to pray together and ask God to lead and guide your decision to become committed to one another. I would encourage them to seek Godly counsel and worship God together. God's view on marriage is clearly defined throughout the Bible and if more couples made themselves aware and vigilant they would be more equipped to enter into a lifelong commitment of marriage to one another.

When we were dating we thought we knew it all! Probably believing that marriage was easy but what has marriage taught you about the difference between “regular love” and agape love?

The essence of agape love is self-sacrificed. The uniqueness of agape love helps identify the type of love God has towards us. Agape love is expressed when we truly obey God's commandments. We're able to love in spite of being violated, hurt, and abused. Regular love may not see pass hurt and pain, therefore it is limited and has conditions. The ultimate difference between agape and regular love is the ability to forgive and to be loved unconditionally. I am forever grateful to God for his sacrificial expression of love displayed by sending his only son to die for our sins that we might be saved. God paid the ultimate sacrifice for those HE love. Now I am able to sacrificially love not based on a feeling but the willingness to put the welfare of others above my own. Shamar and I love each other beyond what we can see and beyond what our hearts can feel because we live by the principles of agape love.

On Valentine’s Day many women who are abused find themselves back with their abuser because the cycle of abuse is real and this holiday makes it easy for abusers to woo their victims. According to the United Nations, one of every three women on the planet will be physically or sexually abused in her lifetime. Although sources of violence may seem diverse, women's responses sound tragically similar. Besides the pain and strength you will hear in their survival stories, the themes that resound across cultures and geographies are of the indifference of authorities, the familial instinct of denial, and the lack of public outrage about the violence that millions of women experience every day. It's on us...

What would tell those wives who are walking through tough times in their marriages?

The power of a praying wife is immeasurable. To any woman going through a difficult, trying and rough time I encourage you to pray, meditate and seek God for answers. God is the only person that can release you from your pain, suffering, and abuse. You are stronger than you’re giving yourself credit. Cast your cares on God and allow him to see you through this difficult time.