The Woman: The "Art" of Online Journaling is Long Gone...

200 posts ago I started this blog.
21 years old.
Junior year in college.
In a situation-ship that I thought would lead to a marital-ship.

My sacrifice duster...

Sometimes lonely. Sometimes lost. Sometimes happy. Completely open yet running to be closed off. Poetry was my life. How I functioned on a campus where, often times, I felt like an outcast. My thoughts were different. My actions were strange; not my partying and drinking though… that was just like everyone else. But it was an interesting time in my life.

It was September 2005 and people were into the online journal thing. One of my roommates from the prior school year was really dedicated to her online journal. It seemed to help her express those things she couldn’t verbally express and still be understood. We were an amazing pair of different. Only we would understand why watching The Cosby Show and making a midnight run to the local Bruno’s for cocoa pebbles was totally appropriate on school nights.

But at this time I no longer had a roommate, just a room. No midnight runs for cereal, just insomnia, oh and lots and lots of research papers (Thank you Human Development Family Studies major and Psychology minor). Through my insomnia I began to write more often. I decided to journal… online and express those things I didn’t want to share with those around me, to some other soul out in the world wide web who might see a piece of themselves in my words. My words that seemed so unimportant at times coming out of my mouth yet so powerful when read out loud. Same words. Different process. GO write. So I did.

My very first post was a poem comparing my body to written poetry in a sexual escapade of words escaping from my skin as I expressed my desire to be wanted by the writer in my heart. No I wasn’t married when I wrote this (sorry saints) but my creative writing covered all areas of discussion. There wasn’t a theme for my blog besides being open. In 2005 I wasn't the guest of honor at events sharing my story in front of an audience. No, just a girl being a "barefoot and naked" writer. Free from the metaphorical makeup I wore on a daily basis. Stripped of the titles that found their way attached to my name. Just me. Behind the Makeup. Along the way, a young, handsome, silky smooth man named Scott stumbled across my blog. He began to read my crazy "deep posts" and decided I was someone he wanted to get to know better. He sent me a message on Facebook letting me know he was a reader of my blog and he enjoyed my expression. We would later go on a date, get engaged, get married (20 months after my very first post) and years later, have two sons. ;)

God's ways are not our ways...

Recently I was thinking about the early days of my blog and how I don’t see many blogs these days where people write without an agenda.

Rarely do you come across blogs where people freely share their story: their struggles, their triumphs and everything in between. The “art” of online "journaling" is long gone and because I love transparency and stories, free from judgement, I miss that era. Honestly, in 10 years there's so much more that I could've written but in living life I'm thankful my best "posts" were enjoyed in the moment.

Today the pictures that people are painting through their virtual and written worlds, over time, become distorted. It becomes the voice that steals the solo when the world is yearning for a duet. I believe that more people desire to see themselves in the transparency of someone else. Someone bold enough to share LIFE and how it HAPPENS and that WE all experience it. Now that we are in the age of “it didn’t happen if I don’t share it” it’s hard to “filter” through authenticity. We are all poetry in motion, authors of a beautiful expression that someone else is meant to read. Your positive, your lovely, your mistakes, your ugly: Imperfect humans, "journaling" through this thing called life…

If you’ve been on this journey with me since 2005, Thank you. If you just stumbled across this place recently, Welcome. My heart beat is that through my transparency and the transparency of others we will empower, uplift, and inspire others into their purpose.

Behind the Makeup is a young girl now a (30 year old) grown woman with a heart for expression, ending Domestic Violence through education, sharing how God yanked me out of my driest places and positioned me to be a light for women, wives and mothers while sometimes being an author. ;)

This is OUR space.

So tell me...

Who’s behind your makeup?

All my love,

Caneeka