Father Abraham....

Sometimes I feel like it’s absolutely not okay for me to run out of words.

Not be able to express how I feel, what I feel, why I am feeling the way that I am, or where it came from.

But we always know where feelings come from.

It might take a bit of thinking but we always know.

Are we always willing to admit it, probably not, but the fact that we know, always remains.

What sucks, sometimes, is not having anyone to share it with.

Not being able to turn to anyone with any type of encouraging words that aren’t undermining of my emotions really sucks to say the least.

The thing is I don’t realize it until I feel the way that I am feeling.

I hold in a lot of stuff.

I don’t share my feelings with people; my true feelings at least that regard me.

And after a while it becomes too much to hold in and I need to release.

Whether it’s crying or getting away for a second or two or just talking to someone who will listen. But more people want to talk than listen, tears never change anything, and life doesn’t just pause while you need to “get away” so what do I do.

Having feelings that some people can relate to but not knowing who those people are,

ready to move forward but uncertain of where that exactly leads to,

feeling like you have it all together only to wake up one morning and realize you have been kidding yourself.

I mean you have pieces of it together but not the parts that interconnect with one another…. How does that happen?

I miss my freedom.

I miss thinking that as a fair person I would be treated fairly.

I missed out on being appreciative and now I am paying the price for it which I can’t afford.

Well I can but I just don’t want to be able to afford it.

Don’t want to have the resources to pay it but thankful none the less and blessed that I do. Trying to figure out where I fit into it all and when I will discover my place.

Hate feeling trapped; confined to two city limits.

Although the hard makes it good I am still trying to keep the faith so that I too can be blessed like Abraham….

Galatians 3: 2-14

~C. Elleanor