I’m emotionally vulnerable.
In a strange, unfamiliar space.
Uncertain of how to move, be, live without feeling outside of myself.
Sometimes a shell of a woman I once knew.
There are moments in life when we go from having the cheat sheet. Knowing all of the answers to the test and then we draw a blank. Questions populate that weren’t on the study guide, weren’t in the book; the teacher never prepared you for what was coming. So in stillness you sit. Staring at blank pieces of paper. Numbered without multiple choices to choose. Spaces too small to fill in the blank. Extra pages not accepted.
A student in a classroom of chaos.
Wanting to panic but you don’t.
Continuing to sit peacefully.
Confused but not concerned.
Nervous but not panicking.
Lonely but not lost. Nervous but not panicking.
It all seems like an illusion of a dream you once had.
But what is different about your dream and your reality is that in your dream plants grew from the test you were taking. The answers you failed to have populated the paper in the form of sprouts of life. Reminded of the covering and shelter trees provide you sashay into the next day to the next calm knowing that what you’re facing is only temporary because the teacher is going to provide all of the covering you need during this exam.
Dear Daddy,
I reach out to you for strength during this time. I could never thank you enough for my friends/those praying women who take heed to your voice and pray for me during their time in your presence. I’m thankful for the people you strategically place in my life as we grow each other. Where I am weak you’ve strengthened them to uplift me in my weary places. When the flesh attempts to rise up you move them to remind me of your unwavering promises. Your grace and your love.
Times I would’ve cried; times I should’ve cried I didn’t and I thank you for moving through me enough to help me channel my disappointment in a spiritually healthy manner.
I thank you for growth.
With you I will mount up with wings and soar.
Jason Nelson-Shifting the Atmosphere
Hide me from the enemy, give me wisdom to recognize his appearance, equip me to handle the “no’s” from you with an understanding that you know what’s best for me.
Help me to walk in my purpose that you have mapped out steadfast and passionately.
Fearless.
Bearing good fruit.
Being the salt and the light to those around me.
Touch my ears so that I might hear you clearly.
Touch my lips so that my words will bring life to this life that you have given me.
Refine my imperfections.
None of me but all of you.
Rebuking all negative plans to put me in bondage.
Removing the makeup of fear I’ve been hiding behind.
I give myself away.
#nomakeup
-Caneeka
