I disappeared after having this baby but I'm still here! *waves*
One thing about me is that I'm a writer of emotion and I've had so many emotions within me these last few months I've had no idea what to write about (How crazy is that?!) If you follow me on social media you have been introduced to #theMillerBoys and our newest member Mr. Cole Elijah but what's a blog without an official post right? With that being said let me start where it matters...
5 (almost 6) months ago I had a baby boy:
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| 3:30am 5/22 headed to be induced |
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| Selfies during labor... why not? |
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| 5 hours of labor & 18 minutes of pushing |
Cole Elijah Miller
After I miscarried last summer God directed me to Hebrews 6:19 which states, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain." I knew then that I wanted the theme for his room to be nautical (Anchors). I knew he would be an absolute joy before I knew he existed and he has.
Arriving 8lbs 11 ounces and 19.5 inches long he was such a solid baby. Tre was 7lbs 5 ounces and we were so afraid to hold him but with Cole we would forget he was a newborn. Ha!
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| What if we all were this excited everyday? |
Once we made it home it took me a week to cut his hospital bracelets (only because my sister bullied me).
It took me one time of brushing his hair to learn that he doesn't like that and to not brush the top of his hair again (I haven't).
Tummy time began immediately and he did a pretty good job (3 weeks in this picture).
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| exhibit A |
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| exhibit B |
What these pictures don't capture is how Cole cried literally all day long. I was exclusively breast feeding (I didn't make it this long with Tre). I was very determined and because I read SO many success stories, received so much advice about how to do it the right way, I KNEW it was something I could achieve until at least 6 months. But I began to notice how skinny he started to look. His skin felt "loose" as I could pull it and it stretched. If you compare his birth pictures to these one month pictures you can see how tiny he seemed. He was nursing every 1-2 hours by this point so I was SO exhausted. But I didn't think it was hunger because he was still producing enough wet diapers per day. However, I was concerned that by this point he wasn't having a bowel movement as "often" as the doctors said he should. All the advice given to me was that he was still young and this was normal behavior, however it was not.
2 months old:
At our two month appointment they asked me if he was sleeping through the night. I said, if sleeping through the night at this age is 1-2 hours then sure. They told me by this point he should be sleeping at LEAST 5-6 hours and I immediately began laughing. I explained to them that I haven't had that type of sleep since pregnancy and instantly they were concerned. They weighed him and discovered that he had only gained 6 ounces since BIRTH. His pediatrician suggested I add more fats to my diet because it was apparent that I produced more of the fore milk (the thin, watery milk) than I did the hind milk (the milk with the fat to help babies feel full). I asked him if I could supplement because knowing, at this point, that my baby was considered failure to thrive, I didn't want to wait another moment to experiment with adding fats to my diet when essentially my baby was starving and it was MY FAULT.
To pretend that I wasn't devastated by that fact wouldn't be true #nomakeup fashion. I literally cried and cried and felt so horrible. I felt like the worse mother ever because I had this goal in mind, a goal that I would be celebrated as "the best mom ever" because breast feeding in the black community is still taboo yet I ended up "failing" my child in the process trying to provide "the best."
In all honesty I lasted maybe a few weeks breast feeding with Tre and he was on formula without any thought. I felt since this was my second child I could give him something natural that Tre didn't receive and it just didn't work out the way I envisioned it.
At two months I began supplementing. I would pump 3 times a day and only get 4 ounces of milk total from those 3 sessions. That means in ONE day my son was only getting 4 ounces of milk. I learned that as mothers we have to block out the noise. As new parents we are bombarded with so much information and even having a degree in Human Development I ignored the developmental cues thinking it was something more serious. In the words of my momma, THAT BABY WAS JUST HONGRY!! ;)
3 months old:
As you can tell it didn't take my puddin' long to catch up and fill out. By three months he was sleeping 10-12 hours and drinking 6-8 ounces of milk 5-6 times a day. And the brotherhood grew stronger!
I supplemented until 4 months but by this point going back to work had stifled whatever little supply I had, even being able to pump twice a day at work. I was proud of my efforts and despite all of the things other women have told me about "working harder at it", I believe that some women honestly have difficulty breastfeeding. No matter how much water you drink or how many pills you take or how much oatmeal you eat (gosh I ate a lot of oats), some of us just don't produce the way we would prefer to produce. And THAT'S OKAY! To my nursing mommas take heed to your baby's cues. Don't ignore the tugging at your heart about certain things regarding your baby. If you think something is wrong, don't ignore those instincts.
4 months old:
Laughing uncontrollably, chewing on every finger he owns, rotating in his bed and possibly rolling over (I haven't seen it happen yet), eating baby food (and making a moan/growl noise when everyone else is eating except for him) and following that brother with his eyes everywhere he goes.
5 months old:
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| The only time he cries is when he's hungry. How ironic! |
If you are on YouTube and you want to check out the boys as they learn, laugh, sing, dance, blow raspberries, bake cakes? Visit my YouTube page Behind The Makeup-The Mother
Scott (singing his version of Build A Snowman from Frozen):
Cole (snapping his fingers):
Until next time!
All my love,
Caneeka
P.S.
If you or someone you know is going through a difficult season where you are angry with God, beginning to lose hope in your purpose or you feel completely disconnected spiritually, check out On The Heels of My Father: A Devotional! There's a message in your mess and I'm proof that there's healing in Pressing On!
1 comment :
Well said and well done Mama! Breastfeeding is definitely easier for some than others. I would have given anything to have nursed Riley until she was at least 12 months but my body said otherwise. As parents it's critical that we place our little people's needs ahead of our desires for them. Hats off to you Queen!!!
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