Share a time when you felt spiritually abandoned.
There have been many times where I FELT like God had abandoned me. However, the time I will focus on will be the way my son was brought into the world. I felt like I was half a woman, one who couldn't even carry her child to term. I blamed God so much for letting me have him at 29 weeks instead of full term one that i prayed for. I honestly felt like all my prayers for a healthy pregnancy went unheard because I got diagnosed with hypertension and diabetes all within the first month of me being pregnant.
Share a time when you felt broken.
The enemy hit me hard after Noah was born. I felt helpless to do anything for him when he became sick 3 weeks after his birth. We opted to put him back on the ventilator to help him breathe and heal. I felt so guilty, so broken that I cried day in and day out. I hid my pain from my family, and even began to resent my husband just because he didn't seem as upset as me. I let all the negative thoughts rule me as I watched Noah suffer. During this time, I also began to pull away from God as I held Him responsible for what my family and I were going through
Share the moment when you discovered your purpose or the moment you received a revelation of what your purpose might be.
Through my pain, I began to realize that God didn't allow this to happen to me as a punishment...it was a learning experience...a test, and I was failing miserably. I began to lock myself in the NICU bathroom at shift change every day, and cry and pray for healing...understanding...peace. It was in that dimly lit bathroom where I found God again after rejecting Him for so long. It came to me that He had a purpose for me...my husband...and Baby Noah! I wiped my tears and called the pastor, who came and prayed over us. "Noah" means "comforter" "rest" and who knew that I would need comforting? My Father did. He knew He had to jar me in a way that would reach into the very depths of my soul to return me to Him. And He used the love I had for my child to do so. My purpose in life is to witness to others about the unconditional love He has for us. And that no matter how big our problems may seem, He is bigger than anything we may face! Man, just thinking about God makes my eyes water because He knows the core of me and STILL loves me!
When you are hardest hit how do you motivate yourself to press on?
I pray and meditate on what I know to be true. God knows the desires of my heart, and it is a DAILY test to make my wants match what He wants of me! He never said it would be easy to follow Him, and I do stumble and fall...but I get back up and praise Him for helping to send people to keep me pressing onward in my journey. A very good friend of mine, Torrie Chatman used the phrase, "Be unapologetic in your walk with Him." That's what keeps me moving. I thank Him for sending people like her, my family and Caneeka to give me uplifting words.
What have you learned in this season of your life?
I've learned that I'm not as weak as I previously thought. That I'm strong enough to resist temptation and that I can give selflessly and not be afraid of getting hurt. That God is always there, even when the cards life hands you makes it seem not so. That people come into your life for different reasons and that it's up to me to decide what purpose they should serve. The biggest thing I've learned is that you TRULY cannot serve two masters. You are either for God or for the enemy. What's your choice?
What advice would you give to those who feel like their situation will never turn around?
I'm far from perfect, but I would advise everyone to have a strong sense of self and form an intimate relationship with Christ. The only way we can survive hardships is to lean on Him and step out on faith. Yes, it may seem like you've been forgotten, but the righteous will never be forsaken! His word is bond! He always keeps His promises! Talk to Him, worship Him. He is waiting for you to turn to Him to tell Him all about it. You can't fix something that you haven't asked permission to fix. Try to make your life, your walk, a testimony to bring yourself and others to Him.
Send me a picture of your favorite pair of heels and let me
know why they are your favorite.
These are my favorite wedged heels rift now because of the multi-spring colors. When I wear them I think of Spring and how new flowers are beginning to form, like a rebirth. And I have been reborn in Christ, so I feel that's fitting! :)
By: Amy K. Spann
