So recently my husband and I experienced a disconnection. Like a caller are you there, failed signal, type of disconnection. The type of disconnection that makes you wonder where the situation is headed because I will be honest, when you have a child the function of your marriage changes. You change as a woman; almost not recognizing who you are for a period of time. It's just different. A shift occurs but you have to find a way to get back to the basics and find a balance. But that takes time. So I wrote a letter. A letter that he said he refused to read because verbal communication was what he desired yet I refused to speak because I’ve learned that you can’t hear if you’re “always right.”
1 Peter 3: 1 “In the same way, you wives should yield to your husbands. Then if some husbands do not obey God’s teaching, they will be persuaded to believe without anyone’s saying a word to them.”
At any rate, I figured I would do my part, be the bigger person, and speak but first I called on my Father and prayed. And I asked God to stand in the midst of what I needed to relay so that it would not be interpreted in the wrong manner. I know that when I’m hurting and I begin to verbalize my emotions I get overly engulfed in the feeling becoming very loud and foolish, which can create an atmosphere of chaos.
But honey let me tell you about God...
I never had to OPEN my MOUTH. I sat still. I was quiet. I did not mumble one word because I was trying to build my spirit up with the right words and sound etc. But before I could ever say anything he says I want to make a change for us. He spoke. I looked and listened. He was opening doors, spending time without checking work, and being in tune with what was going on.
He asked me about what was going on in my life without over talking me. We laughed and enjoyed a beautiful space of love.
1 Peter 3: 7 “In the same way, you husbands should live with your wives in an understanding way […] Do this so that nothing will stop your prayers.”
You see God stepped in and created an atmosphere of renewed intimacy without me getting in the way and possibly allowing the enemy to speak through my hurt places and make things worse. Early in marriage I was a spit fire; Sassy, not trying to have both feet in this submission business, because I felt like I was always right at the top of my voice. (Fail!) What God revealed to me over the years is that you don’t always have to be HEARD to be heard. You don’t have to get loud for your feelings to be expressed. You don’t have to be all up in the mix for things to work for your good. Sometimes, Caneeka, you can fight your biggest battles, conquer your biggest fears; express your deepest emotions from a place of perfect stillness and silence. Through your interaction and communication and dependency on ME I will handle those things that you feel are out of your control.
Wow!
Let me be real and say that I know God has done a work in me because when you go from a “look let me tell you” type of person to a listener, process, pray, rest type of person you have to believe that God is real.
The enemy is looking for a way in. If you are holding on to a hurt from your spouse, if you’re annoyed with how they make the bed up, if you’re tired of not being heard, if you feel like if you trip over another shoe you might snap, I encourage you to get quiet, get still, and seek God to come in and mend those places. The devil HATES marriages so it's important we are mindful of those doors and windows we leave open that we don't realize are left open to avoid allowing him to slip in and wreak havoc. These might seem silly and small but God has shown me recently that those things we think are tiny and not a big deal are so BIG on his radar that they could be the very things that CEASE our ability to SHIFT into the next gear of where He is calling us to be.
Proverbs 4:25 “Keep your eyes focused on what is right, and look straight ahead to what is good.”
I recently had a dream that I left a door open on my car and when I checked to make sure that everything was there I noticed that my gear was gone. I woke up sick to my stomach because I knew that God was trying to get my attention regarding some unfinished business that I thought didn’t exist but He revealed to me that 1. It did exist and 2. That if I didn’t get it in CHECK I would not be able to make that shift to where He needed me to be. Talk about a double dosage of ouch and get me right together.
There are some things that you are battling with, some people you haven’t forgiven (or maybe you’re like me and you’re thinking I have forgiven everyone but God is trying to tell you that you THINK you have but you haven’t for real), some jealousy you are holding on to, a breach in your marriage that maybe you created or maybe you didn’t however you KNOW it’s there but you refuse to do anything about it because you are carrying the weight of stubbornness; I encourage you to not be so proud that you forget who snatched you out of your dark places. God can heal those broken, empty, lonely places but sometimes we have to get out of our own way and change the atmosphere through our still silence.
1 John 2:9-10 “He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him.”
We decided the enemy couldn't have anymore of us that we didn't realize we'd given him. Through our revelation we took back what God said was ours: koinonia, love, each other.
How will you handle the enemy the next time he comes slipping through the cracks of your door? Will you show how immature you are by standing on tables shouting “let me tell you something because I GOT this” or will you go to God admitting you don’t know what to do but you need His strength to do something? You have a choice; things have to change, maturity is waiting, God is calling; what is your answer going to be…
Press on.
#nomakeup #noweight #Godsaid
-Caneeka
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| The shirts are here! :) |
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| My love and I on our way to church. We missed our exit so we had to take the scenic route aka "lost" LOL! j/k |
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| Reading a poem at HUD's Black History Program |
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| Me, my mother, and the BEAR! |
