Love and Marriage Mini Series- The Spanns

Meet Micheal and Amy Spann

Tell us your love story! (Include a picture of you two THEN and NOW)

Micheal and I actually met online on Blackplanet.com ages ago. I was 15 years old, and I happened to run across his page. What drew me to him were the Christian based poems he had composed and displayed on his page. I also looked at his profile picture and thought that he was very attractive. Coincidentally, after we started conversing through messages and whatnot, we discovered that we both lived in Birmingham, AL at the time. He was 18 years old and a freshman in college. We managed to meet face to face, and while he didn't know my real age, he became a very good friend to me. As the years rolled on, we lost touch, but my freshman year at the BEST University in the world, (Roll Tide!), I emailed him, not knowing if he still used that same address. Long story short, we fell back in touch, and THIS time, because I was legal, we decided that we wanted to date one another. I fell hard and was totally consumed by this man. Things happened, and we fell apart for about 2 months. During this time, we both ended up feeling as if we couldn't live without each other. We got back together, and at Thanksgiving dinner, he popped the question!

For many couples Valentine’s Day is the only time they feel loved by their significant other and/or spouse. How do you show your love to each other throughout the year?

We struggled in this area after our son was born a year after we got married. I’m not a very verbally affectionate person, but my husband is. I’d rather be touched (non-sexually and sexually). So it took us doing the 5 Love Languages test for us to really understand our differences and what the other wanted/needed to feel loved. I began to give my husband more words of affirmation. I make sure that I tell him I love him every day. If I don’t, I make sure to text it to him. I also read The Power of a Praying Wife, and I REALLY started to pray for him. I mean REALLY pray!! He in turn, or at the same time… I don’t remember, began to touch me. He would rub my back while watching TV or flirt with me by brushing up against me at random times. It’s not about the material for us either. We realized about 2 years, yes you read right, 2 years not knowing how to show love; that what we really craved from one another was TIME.

We all enter marriage with our own quirks. What’s one thing your spouse does that drives you crazy but you couldn't imagine life without him doing it?

Oh gosh, my husband is technical about EVERYTHING. If I say something like, “Can you hand me a bottle of water please?” he will say, “Yes I can.”, and NOT do it because he says I didn’t technically ASK him to give it to me. It drives me up the wall. However, I can’t imagine him ever NOT doing it because then he wouldn't be my husband. He always laughs when he does it, so if he were to stop, I’m sure I would look at him crazy and wonder if he is having a bad day.

Being a wife is more than just a title but it’s a ministry. When the enemy tries to attack your marriage what is your go to scripture?

Philippians 4:6-7 is my ultimate favorite! ["Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ"] We usually argued about finances, but with that scripture, we learned to rely on God and his timing. The peace we found once we started applying this scripture to whatever was bothering us! It is still a struggle because as humans, we worry. Worry does nothing but makes you agitated and then you snap at others because you are frustrated. We fail at this a lot, but I will get that nudge from the Holy Spirit, and I’m like, “why am I even worried about this?” Then I go and apologize (which is still hard ladies but a must if we are in the wrong), and we kind of just let the issue lie, while we watch God work.

Years pass, people grow older, bodies change, babies come but what is one thing about your spouse that still takes your breath away?

His smile is not the only thing that takes my breath away, but it is my favorite. His hands are the other thing. My husband has the sexiest smile ever to me. He makes my days bright just by looking up and throwing me a smile. It’s like my world turns right side up when he does it. My son has inherited that same smile, and it just melts my heart. His hands always make my breath catch in my throat. Even just a simple touch on my back gives me goose bumps.

Many couples have marriage as their ultimate goal. What’s one piece of advice you’d give engaged couples?

Know your identity in Christ first and foremost. A lot of us get in marriages and lose who we are. Make sure you carve out time to worship and meditate before and during your marriage. I say that because I missed that in my single years, so I didn't know how to balance being a wife, mother, and giving God His time. It is still difficult. Make sure that your mate knows their identity in Christ too. You want to be covered by someone who loves the Lord as much as you do. Husbands are our coverings and our protectors. God placed them at the head of the household for a reason. Women, we must learn to submit to our husbands. I promise you it’s not an ugly word or meaning. This does not mean that you are your husband’s doormat, or that you blindly follow him. If he is in line with God’s Word, then you will have no reason not to submit to him, because he is submitting his own will to the Lord. It is hard to do, but marriage can work with hard work from both parties and keeping God at the forefront.

When we were dating we thought we knew it all! Probably believing that marriage was easy but what has marriage taught you about the difference between “regular love” and agape love?

Man, I thought I knew what love was, but marriage has totally changed my mind! It has taught me that people can love you, but still not do what’s best for you. However, with unconditional love, even when you’re wrong, that person loves you enough to admonish and correct you. They love you enough to pray for you all day every day without you having to ask. They cry at the thought of losing you on earth, and if you’re not saved, losing you for eternity. To me, the best example of agape love is Christ dying for our sins. Regular love to me is when people say, “I love my ______ but I just don’t like them all the time.” Or when people say, “I don’t love this person like I love that person.”

On Valentine’s Day many women who are abused find themselves back with their abuser because the cycle of abuse is real and this holiday makes it easy for abusers to woo their victims. According to the United Nations, one of every three women on the planet will be physically or sexually abused in her lifetime. Although sources of violence may seem diverse, women's responses sound tragically similar. Besides the pain and strength you will hear in their survival stories, the themes that resound across cultures and geographies are of the indifference of authorities, the familial instinct of denial, and the lack of public outrage about the violence that millions of women experience every day. It's on us...

What would tell those wives who are walking through tough times in their marriages?

If you really want your marriage, you are going to have to fight for it. Satan is busy, and he knows that he can corrupt us even further by attacking our marriages. When he does this and wins, he has destroyed the family as the unit God intended for it to be. Now there is a child with only one parent in the home, and/or a wife/family with no covering. Even if the other doesn't want to pray, you pray. When nothing else helps, it’s God saying, “It’s PAST my turn. Let me do this for you.” No one else can mend broken pieces of a marriage like He can.